Last Thoughts

I have thought long and hard about what I wanted to say for this last post.  I think I said it all in my last email to Hayden.  So...I will share that.



"Yep, if this email were a dessert, it would be super sweet, mushy, gooshy and you'd cry tears because it's so good.  Get ready...

For two years I have thought about this email...what I wanted to say, what it would feel like, what your emotions would be.  Now that it is here, I'm kinda baffled about what to convey.  I'll do my best.

After you left, a part of me was missing.  It constantly felt like I had misplaced something, left something behind, lost a favorite something.  I couldn't make peace with those feelings.  I would cry every time I even saw missionaries, anywhere.  I would cry.  A lot.  I knew in order to get through two years of your absence, I would have to do change my mindset.  I prayed about what to do.  Heavenly Father reminded me to stay busy.  So I did.  It helped to keep my hands busy.  It distracted my head and my heart.  Mostly.  If I am being completely honest, (and what's the point if I'm not?), then I will tell you that I have never missed a human being more.  I have literally carried you with me every single day, like a pocket watch that one gets out and checks the time frequently.  That was me.  I'd pull memories of you out multiple times a day and "check" you.  

Then the growing came.  I could tell Heavenly Father was molding you, shaping you into the missionary He knew you could be.  My heart exploded with love, admiration and (remember I am being honest), pride.  

Your six month mark came and I was still having dreams that you'd be home when I woke up.  I had been in your room several times, but not for long.  It still hurt too much.  Time passed and I still kept you in my heart, "checking" on you several times a day.  Then a year!!  Each of your emails kept us going.  They were read too many times to count.  And your pictures were like getting a favorite dessert to eat while the Jazz win the NBA title. Yeah, that good!!

Now, here we are anticipating your homecoming.  I know you have changed in many ways.  A Mother can see changes in her children that many others cannot.  I see it in your testimony, your stature, your countenance. I can't wait to see it all in person.  I know you will transition into life after mission.  I know you are ready to use all you have learned.  I am here for you.  I will listen to every last story you want to share.  I have a billion questions for you, I'm sure.

Please tell the people who surround you of my gratitude for them.  Let them know how I have prayed for Heavenly Father to pour out blessings upon them because of their kindness to you.  I love them and will forever be grateful for all they did for you.  I only hope to meet them someday.

Hayden, I'll never be able to tell you the depth of admiration and complete awe I have for you and the mission you have served.  You have done it!  I cannot imagine how proud your Heavenly Father is.  I KNOW how proud I am.

It has been a privilege typing you each week.  I have felt blessings in our lives from your service.  Thank you. Thank you for representing the Lord, our church, our ward, our neighborhood, our family and me.  I lived your mission through you.  I hope I can live it for real someday.

I have tried to say I love you in each email I sent.  This one is no exception.  I love you.  Always.

Mom

P.S.  We won't be hard to find at the airport.  I'll be the crazy woman being restrained by security. I'm kidding...kinda." 

  

Last P-Day

It's Hayden's last P-day.  This is the last email he will type as a missionary.  In the next post, I will share my last email to him.  For now, here he is...

"Hey everybody and anybody that still reads this thing.

This is my last email as a missionary. It`s kind of a crazy thing to think about. I can`t believe how quickly it went by. I`m pretty sad to be leaving, but also excited to be home. It`s gonna be insane seeing how much everyone and everything has changed!

I LOVE Chile and its people. I know that my call here was inspired! 

Thanks for all the support.

I know that God lives. I know that He answers our prayers and that Christ really did do everything possible for us. When we are at our weakest, Christ has already felt that and is ready to strengthen us. I know that obedience brings blessings. I know that the gospel is restored. I have seen and lived things out here that have helped me gain a testimony. I think that`s the whole reason God asks us to serve missions...to become converted ourselves!

Love you All!

Elder Clegg

See ya NEXT WEEK." 

Ready for Whatever

I feel like over the course of the last few weeks, Hayden has made peace with the fact that his mission is coming to an end.  In his email this week I learned:

1.  He is wanting to get to a Cafe Rio as soon as possible.

2.  He is giving most of his stuff away.  (Perfectly fine with me!)

3.  He's bringing souvenirs.

4.  He's "ready for whatever"!

This gives me peace.  I know he has gained valuable skills that will serve him the rest of his life.  I know he is ready for whatever.    

                                    

All Teared Up

My kids will tell you my tears have come easily over the past two years.  I get teared up whenever I see missionaries, go to the airport, read Hayden's emails, update this blog, go in his room or even think of him. I have to be careful.  Early on, I had a meltdown in Wal-Mart as I read one of his first emails out of the MTC. No tear gas needed!

Here's Hayden getting teared up...

"Well.. I got teared up because my comp and I got drilled by tear gas when some students started doing a protest in the city. Haha so that was fun. I couldn´t stop crying for like 4 hours. Haha 

Also teared up because I only have 3 weeks left. Where does the time go?  

Also teared up, because we baptized Claudia and she´s a saint! I´ll send pictures next week! 

Love,

Elder Clegg"

I'll Go. I'll Say. I'll Be.

As Hayden's mission days are coming to a close, I find myself at a lack of words to describe all the

feelings in my heart.  I just can't even begin.  But...someone named Mary Brown was able to capture

part of what I have been feeling about Hayden.  

1. I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go
2. 
   

   1. 1. It may not be on the mountain height
      Or over the stormy sea,
      It may not be at the battle's front
      My Lord will have need of me.
      But if, by a still, small voice he calls
      To paths that I do not know,
      I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
      I'll go where you want me to go.
   2. (Chorus)
      I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
      Over mountain or plain or sea;
      I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
      I'll be what you want me to be.
   3. 2. Perhaps today there are loving words
      Which Jesus would have me speak;
      There may be now in the paths of sin
      Some wand'rer whom I should seek.
      O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
      Tho dark and rugged the way,
      My voice shall echo the message sweet:
      I'll say what you want me to say.
   4. 3. There's surely somewhere a lowly place
      In earth's harvest fields so wide
      Where I may labor through life's short day
      For Jesus, the Crucified.
      So trusting my all to thy tender care,
      And knowing thou lovest me,
      I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:
      I'll be what you want me to be.
   5. Text: Mary Brown, 1856-1918
      Music: Carrie E. Rounsefell, 1861-1930

   
   

"Hey Guys! 

It´s been a good couple of weeks. Super crazy, but good. 

We´ve been doing a ton of divisions with the whole mission. We go to the office in the mornings and generally take somebody to our sector to work with us in the night. It´s really fun to take people to our sector, because it´s pretty hood and the generally get pretty intimidated knocking the doors. 

I´ve been learning a ton from President Barreiros. He is such a good guy and it´s been a pretty neat experience to get to know him a lot better! 

We´re looking to baptize every week for my last 4 weeks. There´s a really cool lady named Claudia that has progressed a ton! She will be baptized later tonight. Jouriles speaks Portuguese, so we were able to teach him and baptize him in a language that we don´t even really speak! So that was a cool experience. E´Held speaks well, so he did the baptisimal prayer and he got baptized. 

The mission is great! 

Love you all,

Elder Clegg

Pics.. 

E´ Ballard peaced out this past week. It was sad to leave him in the airport! 

Jouriles.

I love going to Presidents house because it´s super pretty!"